Beberapa waktu belakangan ini emang lagi nyebelin-nyebelinnya. Tepatnya sekitar 2 minggu ke belakang. Bumbu dramanya agak lebih banyak di kurun waktu itu haha. 

Pertama, jelas masih urusan skripsi. Bikin bab 1 sama bab 2 ga kelar-kelar sisss :). Ditambah data yang paling gw butuhin justru ga ada di tempat penelitian gw, jadi kalau emang butuh banget 10x data tersebut, gw mesti riset dan olah sendiri. More time and energy needed, ya? Walaupun gw agak gabut di tempat magang, tetep aja dong gw ga bisa keseringan izin ga masuknya. So ya what a task between my tight internship days...

Kedua, tablet gw hilang hehehe. Masih misteri apakah bener dicopet waktu gw naik metromini menuju Stasiun Duren Kalibata atau hilang di kantor, tapi rasio keraguannya 95-5%. Iya, emang kemungkinan besar diambil sama orang di M62 yang lagi butuh uang. Setelah bertahun-tahun fungsi handphone gw digantikan oleh tablet tsb, akhirnya gw pisah juga deh sama dia. Sedih deh soalnya banyak banget foto-foto dan capturan berbagai hal di situ.

Then, a week later... dompet gw pun ada yang ambil juga. Kejadiannya di kereta. Tumben banget hari itu gw mau naik di gerbong 2, gerbong campuran, padahal biasanya no way. Waktu itu keretanya emang lagi padet banget. Gw juga lagi ga sabaran pengen cepet sampe rumah, niatnya mau kerjain bab 2, jadilah maksa di kereta penuh itu walaupun ada kereta lain yang lebih lowong. I swear it was such an unpleasant time. Udah capek, penuh, dan aroma udaranya "ruar" biasa, maaf asemnyaaaaaaa udah kayak cuka apel. Fortunately, gw pake masker, itu pun maskernya gw masukin juntaian kerudung gw juga, biar udara yang gw hirup terfilter berkali-kali. Balik lagi sama dompet, gw ga ngerti kejadiannya gimana, sadarnya pas baru banget turun di Stasiun Bekasi. HUHUHUHUHUHU ktp, sim, kartu atm, kartu-kartu dokter, kartu segala macem member raib semua. I really wish the person throw my purse somewhere near station.:(

Terus barusan, gw menemukan gambar ini

Cr to Google Image

My heart hurts reading that hadits. So i am being missed. I realize that i become lazier these past days or weeks or months to keep up with my Creator.

Hilangnya 2 benda penting ini dan kondisi finansial orang tua belum memungkinkan untuk beli yang baru, ditambah stress dari skripsi yang deadlinenya sebentar lagi bikin gw kesel melulu kalau lagi ada di rumah, kayak meratapi nasib but then REALLY ANIS?? Cuma gitu doang sampe kadang kalau otak gw lagi ga waras, gw ngerasa gw adalah manusia agak kurang beruntung. Astaghfirullah. I have been kufur nikmat this whole time. Emang ya manusia tukang lupa.


Btw, today is my little sister's 16th birthday. Happy Birthday, Denyo! xoxo.


-181015-

3:17 AM

I always wanted to be a doctor until the last days on my first year of high school. It was never anything else, but a doctor. Put aside the prestige some people see in this profession. It was never be a reason why i wanted to be one. I am a soft-hearted person and easily sympathetic, so the younger version of me wanted to help people. Cliche but safe to say it is blame-free. I wanted to be a pediatric or dermatologist simply because i like toddler (not children) and planned to establish a beauty clinic. Not so noble as reasons, aren't they? Hahahahahaha. 

*FYI i even ever wanted to be the UN General Secretary so i can help people. HAHAHA.

As time goes bye, that pretty strong will disappeared just like that. I came to realization that my soft-hearted personality cannot see someone in real pain, ga tegaan gitu pokoknya anaknya. Also, it is hard to see wounds, they are scary and disgusting looking. Ridiculous but strong reason, ya? Though when i think about it now, let's say if i were a so-so pediatric, isn't it not so often i get the chance to see disgusting looking wound or seeing someone in real pain as in emergency pain as a surgeon or a trauma surgeon does? However, i chose not to be a doctor anyway. Since then, i kinda slowed down my study pace as i gave up already on medical school. Well, i can't put the not-to-be-doctor reason was the only reason i slowed it down, i just become lazier in academic thingy at that time. It was probably because of puberty :c [crush, dating, and boyfriend stuff-ugh] *cry in shame*

Not so long ago i feel like i still want to be a doctor. I realize after watching Grey's Anatomy. Does it feel good to save people? Those actors on that serial deliver the doctor-emotion so well that i crave to feel suchan emotion. "It is a good day to save lives" is quoted from McDreamy, the sooo handsome neuro-surgeon. I am now nowhere close to be a doctor and i can't help much when someone in pain. Only little theoretical knowledge and zero practical knowledge for any emergency situation. Though i am never hoping to be in such situation.

I don't regret what i am into right now at all. I am just slightly wondering why i gave up on my longtime aim easily and be so fast in deciding. Maybe this is something called takdir. When Allah wills then all can happen THAT easy.

Off topic, i was so devastated when knowing Derek Shepherd died in season 11. I didn't feel like watching season 12. But then the gossip says the reason behind Shonda Rhimes put that one important character off is because Patcrick had an affair with an insider staff. The situations did not go well between him and other artists, specially his co-star, Ellen Pompeo who happens to be his wife's closefriend, so she made Derek Shepherd died for an accident. Finding out the reason, i became more relieved because i hate cheater. See how someone's past can affect their present haha. So, i will keep up with season 12.


-031015-

12:20 AM

Ini nih, salah satu hal yang sering gw pertanyakan dalam setiap diam gw... (apadah haha)

Dan plan yang gw maksud di sini adalah lebih kepada plan program hidup atau semacam target-target dalam hidup, like cross major S2: Psikologi, beasiswa study abroad, nikah usia 25 tahun, etc.

                                                 

To plan, to set up targets definitely put us on a clear vision of our life where then we can break down the steps to seize them and calculate the time needed. We write down all of our dreams, every little thing of our dreams in a notebook and give checked mark if it is done. A friend of mine has been consistently doing this since high school and i am jealously happy seeing his checked mark. Theoretically, those are one of the best way to succeed.  To add up, it is suggestion that plays in our brain. Experts say suggestion does matter. Positive thinking, khusnuzon, or any other names lead us to be happy. Happiness tends to make people feel successful. So yes, to plan means you have positive suggestion and faith in life.

But...

The idea of how life is so unpredictable is a bit hard to cope at times. Guess it is not only for me, but many others. We plan, we fail, instead we get the unexpected. I remember wrote "FKM-UI-2012" on papers and took a photo of those papers held by my 3 biggest dolls. Intended to make me more eager to catch that faculty, ended up making me broken heart every time i see that photo hahaha.  The point is, i can mention soo many good things about planning in life, but i am always bothered by the fact that sometimes the spontaneity wins. To not plan here does not mean carelessly do something, more like less prepared. We be more lay back in pursuing dreams, no need to be too unyielding. In many situations, when i actually want "something" so bad, i keep thinking that i won't get "that something" just to make me not hoping too high. Keep me grounded. However in my veeery honest mind, to think pessimistic about what i want means a hope that actually "that something" will be come true. For i think that we sometimes get what we do not want, so i pretend i do not really want "that something". (Not beating around the bush, just that it is hard even to me to elaborate my mind, lol)

To plan tend to make us think too much, too deep, too far, but more prepared of the unexpected.

To not plan or i prefer say to be spontaneous tend to make us do more, do more, and do again, till we get that.

So which one do you think?

Lastly, i get that after all it is takdir Allah SWT who play the role. I completely surrender. Faith talks.

-280915-

10:57 PM

I am back. Yay! *grin*

It has been almost a year since the last time i wrote or simply opened this blog. I still like doing self-talk tho (i just don't write it-what a lazy hand), because it's like instant healing to my soul hahaha.

Time flies...
I just realized that i am now in my 7th semester that i am entering a new phase that is different compared to other previous phases in my campus life. You know, thesis topic, internship, internship again, thesiS, tHesis again, sidang, and graduation kebaya. HAHAH. (if only i could use my favorite line sticker here to strengthen the sentence. That sticker represents my feeling well most of the time.)

Thesis...
Last Wednesday, my campus held a thesis-non thesis seminar. It was the thing that gets me completely awaken to the fact that the time is coooming for me to quickly find my topic. The title submission is on next Wednesday. I got 7 days to think about it. I am in real rush considering i just decided to use quantitative method and any single main theme has never been thought. Plus, i need to ask and confirm first the companies whose issues i choose whether or not they give me permission to use their data. Despite its hubbubs, this situation is quite fun. I am so excited of entering a new routine. Wish me luck.

Internship...
Well, i am more cool with internship. Not trying to sound cocky, but i am a bit experienced in being intern. I did a short internship last February. Though it was just a month, it helps me giving a peek-sight of how it is in working environment. I was super intended to write about my internship story at PT. KPEI, but back again i forgot :-). At this very moment, i am in chat with Citra about our plan tomorrow to "menyatroni" some companies. I hope tomorrow plans will bring good news. Last but not least, we (refers to my-happy-self, Citra, and Mine) have been in a deep talk about meeting our future Imaams at our Internship Place. Sigh...love imagination talk never be so boring hehe.

Afterall, i am ready to jump in and swim in this new pool like Spongebob that always be ready to be the moneymaker for Mr.Crab and to forever depress Squidward......................................well, "ready" word always reminds me of Spongebob.

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim. Good night.


-200815-

Little piece of my day

11:14 PM

Lagi feeling blue nih malem2, makanya melipir ke mari lagi setelah sekian lama. Feelin blue kenapa? Hm biasa deh #rindu yang tak tersampaikan. Yeu.

Speaking of feeling blue a.k.a baper, i have these girls whom i feel closest at campus. They are the type who think that baper is kinda (obviously) depressing and sometimes annoying yet fun. Baper has been the never-die-joke to us. We share. We make fun of each other. We analyze. We do many things that girl-friends commonly do. I just enjoy chitchating about romantic-relationship stories with them.

                                 

           

Here they are (mentioned alphabetically)

 1. Citra Ayu Taniara
 Citra ini suka sampis kalo kasih respon dari suatu cerita atau situasi hahahaha. Sampis tuh apa ya maknanya...ngeselin-ngakakin. Dia ngeresponnya seperti sedang ngeblank tapi sesuai sama konten yang mau direspon dan seringkali sejalan pikiran sama gw. Hal lain tentang dia, kayaknya dia yang paling tidak terlalu banyak kisah ABG bobogohan di masa lalunya. Citra ini anak bungsu dan satu-satunya perempuan dari 3 bersaudara. Kakak-kakaknya seperti melindungi-nyerempet-menjauhi Citra dari potensi jodoh yang merupakan kenalan kakaknya. Like, "Adek lo boleh tuh..."-"Apaan. Ga ada ga ada." Duh kan syedih Citranya hahaha. Gw, Citra, dan Mine adalah yang paling hobi nyushi *nyamnyam. Yang paling bikin gemesy dari anak ini adalah kebiasaan ngulur waktu, ngaret, dan sejenisnya. Ga sering tapi. Terbaper bersama dia itu waktu mau kumpulin proposal skripsi. Deadline pengumpulannya adalah jam 7 malem. Gw dan dia sama-sama telat! Kita dateng ke kampusnya ga barengan. Gw sampe duluan, tapi itu udah jam setengah 8 which is telatnya udah kebanyakaaan. Gara-gara macet yang tak terduga di flyover Kasablanka-Karet. Udah mau nangis aja waktu sampe di kampus. Tapi ga butuh waktu lama buat gw jadi lebih tenang karena gw punya temen telat...Citra yang masih di kalimalang jam setengah 8. Ngakak. Gw sama Citra adalah partner jalan kaki ke Top Dukuh. Iya, kita emang wanita-wanita fit gitu, rajin olahraga (jalan kaki cantik).

                          

 2. Debby Violita Manafe

Debby adalah tempat terbaik untuk bertanya kalau ga ngerti tugas. Iyaaaa dia pinterrr. Anker Bogor sejati. Tough, anak polisi, kerjanya gercep. Hobinya main! Main mulu dia sama temen-temennya. Pernah waktu itu ada satu project dan kita sekelompok. Deadline was coming really soon but our project had barely finished. Saat itu gw betek banget sama ini anak karena dari H-4 till projects's deadline, dia malah main ke sana-sini terus. Selama 4 hari itu gw cek path dan selalu ketemu dia lagi di suatu tempat huhuhuh while me was at home stressing over this project. Debby ini kalau kerjain jatahnya dia pasti bener-bener aja dan pasti kerjain, only that time i felt like being the only one thinking of the project. Sebete-betenya sama Debby, ya karena masalah ini aja hahaha. Terlepas dari hobi mainnya itu, Debby ini orang yang paling bisa cover ke-tidak-sukaan dia sama orang menurut gw. Either dia pandai menutupi ketidaksukaannya atau memang dia ga pernah benci orang. She seems super neutral towards people. Not many things can affect her mood. Nah waktu project yang gw sebut di atas itu, gw, Debby, dan Mine kan sekelompok, gw sama Mine itu 2 orang yang paling mudah "bertabrakan" dari sisi ucapan, ide, dan lainnya. Jadi Debby ini orang yang tepat banget buat ada di antara gw-Mine hahaha. Dia ga berpihak. So, flow kelompok bisa lebih aman karena Debby lol.

                      

 3. Isabella Nastiti

Nah si mbak bella ini adalah yang ter-bully-able among us. She's like voluntarily give her soul to the group to laugh at. Lol but she's super kind. Tipe manusia dengan sifat E(xpressive) yang dominan. Banci tampil, mudah curhat, ga bisa sendiri, expressionful-nyerempet lebay, extrovert banget lah. Tipe wanita yang getol dalam mengejar cinta. Kalau belum 90% tersirat penolakan dari si pihak tertuju-nya, yaudah dia ga akan mundur. Dia berharap dibilang mirip Kristen Stewart, bukan Ivy Blink. In fact tho, dia bener2 kopian-nya Ivy Blink berarti cantik kan dia. Everybody knew she is. Anak choir, so she loves singing. Selera berpakaian gw dan dia agak bersebrangan. She likes studdes, spikes, blinks, glitters, dark colors, leopards, etc duh. Neither last nor least, dia ini temen cewek ter-tough yang pernah gw kenal. She overcame the hardships during her effort to pursue her dreams to go to see Eiffel Tower some months ago. Jadi, LSPR Choir beberapa waktu lalu ikut kompetisi di Latvia dan Bella sebagai salah satu peserta harus bayar sejumlah uang dan dia usaha sendiri dengan dagang risol. Beberapa kejadian yang aduh-ga-ngerti-lagi-deh terjadi selama dia dagang. Ya taro kotak risol di atas kepala gara2 desak2an di krl, ya mampir ke Tn.abang sambil bawa2 risol, ya naik bemo bannya copot, sprint dari kampus ke stasiun karet sepulang latihan choir, dll.

                           

 4. Marinda Puspita

Sis Arin ini secara personality 11-12 sama bella. Sama2 tipe manusia E, rame, berisik, cewek cemimiw a la a la cheerleader tp emang dia mantan anak cheers (pantes), banci tampil, dan PD. Dia insecurity-nya tinggiii, eh tapi mayoritas cewek gitu juga sih, including me. Insecurity yang dimaksud adalah dikit2 nanya, "Eh jerawat gw udah mendingan belum sih?" "Eh gw gendutan ya?". Gw juga suka gitu sih tapi kayaknya frekuensinya tinggian si-Mbak yang satu ini hahaha. Dia itu cantikk bangetan udah gitu photogenic, jadi asli dan di foto sama2 sip lah pokoknya. Marindah ini juga sempat bergelut di dunia modelling jadi ga perlu ditanya lagi tingkat kecetarannya kalau disuruh pose. Plus wanita satu ini tuh ramah sekali. Satu hal dari dia yang paaling suka bikin gw geregetan: Suka agak butuh waktu supaya dia konek sama topik obrolan hahaha. Terkocak bersama dia adalah waktu kita lagi di UI mau ikut seminar kemudian dia pingsan gara2 keseleo setelah lompatin selokan dengan lebar mungkin 75cm saat pake wedge 9cm. Kaki dia bengkak banget dong abis pingsan. Untung waktu itu ada Amy juga jadi shocknya bisa dibagi. Another noted point about her is she has the so-called love story yang hampir sama as mine. Duh. Jadi kalau salah satu dari kita abis cerita nih ya, si pendengar kasih nasehat dan kata-kata bijak yang sesungguhnya juga tertuju pada diri si pendengar sendiri. Kayak ngaca gituh. Pft.

                                  

 5. Nadia Jasmine Wilson

Ini dia ceciwi ternyambung kalau lagi bahas sesuatu di luar topik biasa (re: hati, gosip, other girl stuffs). Shes smart, pengetahuannya luas dan jaringannya juga luaaaas <- i really need to emphasize here by adding 3 more "A"s bcs i do mean it. Dia itu kenalannya banyak banget, internal or eksternal kampus. Terusnya ini anak terbaperan ahaha. Ya cocok lah sama hasil tes kepribadiannya, tipe S(ensitive). Dia mudahhh tersinggung tapi gampang balik normalnya lagi asal kitanya ga ikutan sensi kalau dia lagi ngegas. Plegmathic much, hobi idem tapi tetep selalu kasih opini. She is sweet and cute, bisa atur ekspresi dalam mode ego dewasa ataupun ego anak kecil. Tadinya rambutnya panjang trs mau potong tapi ragu karena pada bilang sayang tapi gw dorong mati2an (lebay sikit) akhirnya mau juga dipotong dan sekarang she soo loves her bob haircut. It's chic, edgy n fresh. Akhirnya dia sekarang suka consider mi opinion dalam memilih sesuatu hihihi. Terngakak antara gw sama dia adalah waktu itu pernah mau simulasi press conference with me & her as the Public Relations hired, jadi gw pikir kita udah deal mau kembaran pake nuansa black n pink + blazer. Ternyata2 kita miscomm so dia ga bawa blazer trs gwnya bete jadi ngegas, "kok ga bawa blazer sih?!" Trs as sensitive as she is, dia nangis dong... Krn mood gw lagi ga bagus (nervous maju, appearance kurang cuco) gw diemin lah dia. After presscon baru deh i samperin dan minta maaf dan kita berbaikan hahahahahah.

                                

6. Okky Ervana

Dan yang terakhir adalah Okky. Kita suka panggil dia "Bunda" karena dialah yang paling apik mencatat, meletakkan, dan mengatur sesuatu. Segala catatan wajib, dia punya. Notes kuliah pun punya dia yang paling lengkap. Kadang kalau note book dia lagi ketinggalan, gw dengan sangat willing memohon Okky nyatet materinya di buku gw aja ehehehe. Pernah suatu dosen mengharuskan kita buat simpen kertas hasil kuis buat dikumpulin lagi saat UAS, as tidy as she is, kita titip kerta kyuis kita di Okky haha, jadi aman deh. Juga, dia ini anaknya khawatiran dan takutan. Kalau ada situasi menegangkan dikit, langsung deh, "Aduh nis ini gimana?", "Eh gw takut mamnya mareah nih. Gimana ya?", "Eh nis ih beneran gapapa kayak gini?", dan sebagainya. Paling susah diajak main karena susyah dapet izin main dari mamanya. Dulu, terutama pas SMA gw merasa gw lah yang punya orang tua paling protektif dan khawatiran. Eh setelah bertemu Okky, asumsi itu berubah hahaha. Her parents are wayyyyy more protective than mamah dan bapak. If i were her, i would've been THAT bored to not be able to go hang out with friends. Okky itu kalau lagi ga suka dengan sesuatu akan keliatan banget dari wajah dan sikapnya. Samalah kayak saya hehe. Tapi kalau udah baik sama seseorang, dia akan total menunjukkan kebaikannya itu. Plus, Okky itu teman yang sangat helpful. Lastly, dia suka sekali menulis and i have no idea how poetry-ish it is kalau dia lagi mood nulis.

                                   

 -251014-

Little piece of my day Live young and act nice sweetness

8:18 PM