My Long-Long Time Ago Ambition

I always wanted to be a doctor until the last days on my first year of high school. It was never anything else, but a doctor. Put aside the prestige some people see in this profession. It was never be a reason why i wanted to be one. I am a soft-hearted person and easily sympathetic, so the younger version of me wanted to help people. Cliche but safe to say it is blame-free. I wanted to be a pediatric or dermatologist simply because i like toddler (not children) and planned to establish a beauty clinic. Not so noble as reasons, aren't they? Hahahahahaha. 

*FYI i even ever wanted to be the UN General Secretary so i can help people. HAHAHA.

As time goes bye, that pretty strong will disappeared just like that. I came to realization that my soft-hearted personality cannot see someone in real pain, ga tegaan gitu pokoknya anaknya. Also, it is hard to see wounds, they are scary and disgusting looking. Ridiculous but strong reason, ya? Though when i think about it now, let's say if i were a so-so pediatric, isn't it not so often i get the chance to see disgusting looking wound or seeing someone in real pain as in emergency pain as a surgeon or a trauma surgeon does? However, i chose not to be a doctor anyway. Since then, i kinda slowed down my study pace as i gave up already on medical school. Well, i can't put the not-to-be-doctor reason was the only reason i slowed it down, i just become lazier in academic thingy at that time. It was probably because of puberty :c [crush, dating, and boyfriend stuff-ugh] *cry in shame*

Not so long ago i feel like i still want to be a doctor. I realize after watching Grey's Anatomy. Does it feel good to save people? Those actors on that serial deliver the doctor-emotion so well that i crave to feel suchan emotion. "It is a good day to save lives" is quoted from McDreamy, the sooo handsome neuro-surgeon. I am now nowhere close to be a doctor and i can't help much when someone in pain. Only little theoretical knowledge and zero practical knowledge for any emergency situation. Though i am never hoping to be in such situation.

I don't regret what i am into right now at all. I am just slightly wondering why i gave up on my longtime aim easily and be so fast in deciding. Maybe this is something called takdir. When Allah wills then all can happen THAT easy.

Off topic, i was so devastated when knowing Derek Shepherd died in season 11. I didn't feel like watching season 12. But then the gossip says the reason behind Shonda Rhimes put that one important character off is because Patcrick had an affair with an insider staff. The situations did not go well between him and other artists, specially his co-star, Ellen Pompeo who happens to be his wife's closefriend, so she made Derek Shepherd died for an accident. Finding out the reason, i became more relieved because i hate cheater. See how someone's past can affect their present haha. So, i will keep up with season 12.


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